Hi, I’m Lucinda Leo. I created this space to share positive stories about life in an intense and sensitive family.
As a child I was regularly told I was ‘too sensitive,’ ‘too much’, or just to ‘lighten up’. I loved books, trees, and fairies, and I felt deeply sad when I saw suffering or unfairness in the world.
I learned to hide my intensity and sensitivity so well that I ended up in a profession* I hated. Everyone around me said I’d be crazy to give it up because I’d trained so long to get there.
From quirky adult to confused parent
Then I had children. A happy, full-on daughter, and a son who was always on the move, needed lots of quiet time, and put ideas together in ways that made us giggle. After he was born I trained as a cognitive hypnotherapist and coach. Most of the people who were drawn to work with me were also quirky, and I found it rewarding helping them find their place in the world, though I didn’t yet know what connected us.
My search for answers
Meanwhile, I hunted for ways to help my sensitive, intense son fit into the world without changing the essence of who he was. One day my eye was caught by these words on a leaflet: ‘Is Your Child Intense? Sensitive? Easily overwhelmed?’ The flyer led me to a workshop where, to my enormous relief, I finally discovered what was going on – not just with both my children, but also with me.
What I learned was that my kids and I have more sensitive nervous systems than most people, which causes us to react more intensely to things other people might not even notice. These nervous system traits, known as overexcitabilities (OE’s), mean we experience life differently. We’re easily overwhelmed by sensations and emotions, but our heightened responses also mean we’re capable of enjoying life more fully.
I sat with tears in my eyes during most of that workshop. For the first time in my life I felt seen, understood, and validated for who I really am. That day back in 2015 marked the start of a long journey towards uncovering who I really am, underneath the mask I had learned to wear when I was so young that I had no idea it was a mask.
Why I Started this Blog
Since that day I’ve been passionate about raising awareness of neurodivergence as a positive force for change in society. I want to shout from the rooftops that people who are wired differently aren’t broken or wrong just because we experience the world differently.
I first started writing this blog to reassure other parents that there was nothing wrong with their intense, sensitive children, nor with their parenting techniques. When my children were young, I often felt deeply lonely and isolated. Like many neurodivergent parents, I thought I must be a bad parent because conventional parenting methods never worked with my kids. Back then I published feature articles about overexcitability in the Huffington Post and Juno magazine. In the years since, I’ve learned a lot about giftedness – which doesn’t always accompany overexcitability (nor vice versa) but often does. People who are gifted and have other neurodivergences (such as OE’s) are called twice-exceptional (2e). These days I identify as delightfully and confidently 2e. I’ve long since taken off the mask, and as a result of shining my true light, I’m blessed with a circle of wonderful neurodivergent friends. I also have a deeply fulfilling therapy and coaching practice working with bright, creative, intense people from all around the world.
Want to find out more?
Find out more about me and my work at my coaching and therapy website, LucindaLeo.
Take my overexcitabilities quiz to discover your unique overexcitability profile.
And if you’d like to chat about the possibility of working with me, feel free to book a free 30 minute intro call with me.
* In case you’re wondering, I was a lawyer in a busy commercial law practice. The thought no longer makes me hyperventilate, which is a good sign.
Hallo Lucinda!
I’m an 18 yr old from the Bristol area and I’ve recently discovered overexcitabilities :0 I’ve been sent to you by none other than the Paula Prober of ‘Rainforest mind’ fame (you may be pleased to know she spoke highly of you)…
Anyway, I can relate well to plenty information I have encountered on excitability and rainforest mindedness (or giftedness) and even the “characteristic personality traits of a high IQ” (despite both my midrange IQ and my distrust in the method itself). I also have always had difficulty with timidity and upon tackling that I now have realised that everyone is on a complete different wavelength to me in pretty much every social situation. Concisely, I’m trying to learn whether or not I can identify myself in any of these categories with veracity.
To counterbalance the above persuasions, I’m also self-assured and self-imaged and part of my ego is at least enticed by the notion that I’m both different and different-in-some-genius-sense. I can’t be sure if descriptions are interpreted in accordance with my own non-excitable perception of reality or not. I mean I’m already attempting to act out the present reality in accordance with an idealisation of myself as a renaissance man with an IQ of 170+, but I secretly and confidently know my IQ is below 130, so many apologies for my weirdness. Sorry.
I’m sorry for using the word “concisely” and not being concise at all, and on top of that I’m sorry for burdening you with my random struggles.
To round it all off in a question, here is my question;
Could I ascertain any overexcitability or giftedness anywhere in the U.K. that you know of? (Anywhere closest to Bristol would be fandabydosy!)
Thankyou so much for your time, and I didn’t mention it earlier but I actually discovered overexcitability on your website and have since read countless articles so thankyou for your regular slice of entertainment!
Please keep going with your noble internet work, I’m positive it’s of real benefit to many people.
Warm regards,
Benjamin
Hi Benjamin and thank you for your generous and heart-warming words! I’ve been in the middle of some intense personal change over the last few months and I’m afraid my blog has been languishing somewhat, but comments like yours inspire me to pick it up again so I can connect with people like you. 🙂
‘Everyone is on a completely different wavelength to me in pretty much every social situation.’ Yep! I totally get what you mean. But I also love what you say, ‘To counterbalance … I’m also self-assured and self-imaged…’ Have you read Paula’s book? As I read Your Rainforest Mind I felt a delicious sense of kindred spiritness, even without actually meeting any RFMs in real life. Just knowing there are other RFMs out there cheered me up no end about my social weirdness!
As for ascertaining overexcitability, the PowerWood overexcitability questionnaire is a pretty good indicator. I’ve never personally taken any giftedness test other than one I found in a random library book (back in pre-internet days), but funnily enough when my daughter was recently tested, her IQ came out exactly the same as what that book said. (And my mum’s was the same, too.) Nothing off the charts (for which I’m very grateful – I can’t imagine how tough life must be as that much of an outlier) but enough to reassure me that I am indeed at the extreme end of the bell curve and that it’s natural that I’m not going to relate to people socially in the same way those in the middle do.
You might be interested in watching a short talk I recently gave to some fellow therapists about RFMs – you can find it on YouTube here. In the first part I outline OEs; in the second I share some of my experiences where I’ve received ‘the blank look’ in social situations. 😉
Are there any aspects of overexcitability or giftedness that you’re especially interested in? I started this blog to support parents of kids with OEs but I’d love to widen my focus to explore how overexcitability affects life at all its different stages and ages. Any ideas for what I might write about would be much appreciated!
Lucinda
Hi Lucinda,
I too, am here because Paula Prober recommended that I might want to find you as we are both in the UK .I have to hold on to my excitement for fear of not finding what I want and need !
I am a calloused 53 year old whom life has been grossly unkind to ….but …. I’m a fighter and an insanely self directed individual.Life started rather wrongly and set me on a wrong trajectory.Narc mother and codependent father and the scene was set .CPTSD later Im still in recovery .The problem being that I believed that i was a weird little twonk so much that I have sought the ‘ help’ of two psychologists, numerous therapists to prove that I was weird , twisted and bad ! They have all done a good job at cementing that point .I am now armed with various labels like low self esteem, anxiety, too self critical etc ( or bla bla bla)
Enter the posts about giftedness, OEs, HSP, introvert and I cry buckets ! I relate so much to these that I could just stay indoors reading article upon article and never come out to meet so called ‘normal’ people.My problem is that I am terrified of claiming my true nature because I was severely abused for them but at the same time living a lie has become unbearable!
Thanks to Paula for directing me to you.I am hoping for validation.I am not looking to be a genius etc ( frightens me ) I am highly sensitive and perceptive etc.
I look forward to hearing from you .
Kindest Regards,
Londiwe
Hi Lucinda. My son is 10 and was said to be ADHD in grade R by his teacher who is not a qualified phsyciatrist or therapist of ant sort (year before grade 1 in South Africa). We refused medicine and a long few years later we discovered that he is gifted and kinestetic learner (cannot sit still). This year he is in grade 4 and first term of exams were lying in front of us like Mount Everest. Needless to say, I managed to take the advice from the therapist about his inability to sit still (he can also double process i.e. ability to do non-related activity yet still focus on what is being taught). I let him bounce on an exercise ball to learn spelling words, times tables and pretty much any studying involves this ball. He would lie on it to read his notes and learn the facts before I asked him questions to see if he knows his work. This worked brilliantly and he got an average of 81% with his first exams which is really good considering we have no frame of reference on how to study. Regards Elsie
Hi Lucinda,
I appreciate this website! I’m not a parent, but find what you’ve written so helpful in my journey to understanding my childhood and current self. I’ve been diagnosed with ASD, as a young child and later in life, and I’m trying to figure out if this is correct. Wow, there’s so much I’m trying to figure out! Your writing helps. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Alice